Any of us with siblings can recall at least one event of
sibling rivalry gone awry. Nasty words are exchanged and perhaps even some
pushing and shoving. Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up with a
brother or sister. Many people believe it to be a rite of passage and a good
way for children to learn conflict resolution skills. However, it is important for
parents to monitor conflicts between your children and to look for signs of
bullying.
There has been little research on the effects of sibling bullying;
however, a new study published in the Journal
of Pediatrics concluded that sibling aggression should not be dismissed. The
psychological anguish from sibling bullying can be just as damaging as peer
bullying. The study reported that children who experienced sibling aggression
in the last year were more likely to report signs of depression, anxiety, and
anger. In the study, aggression was defined as physical abuse, verbal abuse,
intimidation, or having their things stolen or purposely destroyed. The study
goes on to suggest that anti-bullying awareness campaigns should include
sibling bullying as well.
As a parent, how can you distinguish between common
inter-sibling spats and bullying? Ask yourself if the aggression is one-sided
and chronic. If the aggression goes both ways and occurs sporadically then
bulling may not be the issue. However, if one child consistently plays the role
of aggressor and instigator then it is important to have a family talk about
the issue.
Helping your children get along and develop a relationship
is important to every parent. Try these tips to help keep sibling rivalries in
check:
Clearly defined rules
and consequences: Children and teenagers will continually test boundaries as
part of normal development. Make sure
they know what behaviors cross the line and firmly follow through with
implementing consequences when the line is crossed.
Give them space:
Allow your children time to be alone or away from their siblings. This is
especially important if your children share the same bedroom. Find activities
that they can do alone or enroll them in different extracurricular activities.
One-on-one attention:
Make an effort to give all your children some one-on-one attention with
you. This can help reduce feelings of jealously or favoritism that can lead to
sibling bickering.
Counseling: You
may consider getting professional help if your children have extreme difficulty
getting along. Marriage and family therapist are trained in resolving and
mediating family conflicts and relationships.
By Miguel Brown
Miguel Brown holds a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy from the University of Miami, is a registered marriage and family therapist intern in private practice, and owner of Miami Teen Counseling. He has been working with adolescents and their families for over ten years. Connect with him on Facebook and Twitter.
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