How Do I Talk to My Child About Sex, Drugs, Abuse, and Other Tough Topics?

This blog was originally posted on crosswindsyouth.org

These topics are some of the most difficult topics of life to talk about with our children.  There are many factors that contribute to this difficulty.  First, the topics are issues that we as parents do not even want our children to know about let alone talk with them about it.  In addition, some parents feel that talking about them will introduce the idea to their child.  Know that this is just not the case.  Chances are your preteen or teenager has already been exposed to or at least heard other peers talk about these issues.  In addition, not talking about them just causes addition curiosity for something that they heard about, but do not understand.  It is better for them to have the facts from a reliable source, such as yourself, than for them to seek understanding from unreliable sources or experimentation. 

Secondly, some of these topics are embarrassing.  You may be the exception, but chances are when you think back to “the talk” with your parent(s), it was awkward at best.  Do you with that you had a sensitive caring parent that would and did talk openly with you about the most difficult issues?  Someone that you could ask anything and know that they would be open and honest with you without the feelings of awkwardness.  Every child wants a relationship like this and though these talks will probably always have an element of awkwardness to them, these talks can create a closeness and openness between a child and their parent.  The finally reason why these talks are so difficult for some parents is that parents love their children and want what is best for them.  They have a life for their child in their mind and it is often the perfect life void of all difficulty and full of successes.  However, the flip side of this desire for a great life for their child is that at times it causes the parent to deny any difficulties or the possibilities of difficulties.  They protect this idea of the perfect life for their child by denying that anything like the issues of sex, drugs, or abuse could happen to their child.  They don’t want to know if their child is involved because it would break the façade of the parent’s dream life for their child.  If a child is truly struggling in one of these areas, ignoring it will only makes matters worse.  The longer the child participates in this sinful behavior the larger the potential consequences can be. 

One final thought.  The absolute key in talking with your child about these difficult topics is that you have a relationship of openness, transparency, and truthfulness to begin with.  Taking the time to talk regularly with your child, without condemnation or judgmental attitude, but rather listening and gentling guiding will establish a relationship that will make the discussion of these topics much easier.  Remember Deut. 6:4-9 states that we need to be teaching about God and how to love him well to our children.  We do this by talking about life with our children at a real and deep level in order to help them to navigate through a difficult and sinful work and helping them strive for a life that is glorifying and honoring to God.

Rick Deboest  has worked with troubled youth for over ten years. He currently holds a Masters degree in Counseling and is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. He  oversees the counseling and case management services for all Lifeline Youth & Family Services residential programs.

Where Can I Get Help for My Struggling Teen?

Once you’ve decided to take the next step and get help for you and your family, where do you turn? Before you reach out, you may want to take a minute to think about what’s important to you in a counselor or agency. For example, is it important for you to have counseling that is biblically-based? Are you looking for a counselor/organization with experience, credentials, or both? What type of setting do you think would be the most comfortable for you and your family?

Here are a few suggestions to help you connect with the appropriate resources:

• Talk to your pastor or contact a local church. If you attend a local church, your pastor may know of qualified professionals in the area who have been successful in working with families like yours. If you’re not part of a church, many churches welcome the opportunity to meet with families from the surrounding community to answer questions and offer support.

• Talk with a trusted friend of family member. Often when we’re looking for a new doctor, real estate agent, babysitter, or other type of service professional, we turn to those whom we trust. Have they been through something similar or do they know of someone who has? If so, who did they connect with and was it helpful?

• Contact a referral network or helpline. Some communities have referral networks that provide families with a list of options to look into or national networks, like Focus on the Family, can suggest resources in your area, as well. Another option would be to contact a “one-stop” helpline organization like Crosswinds, who can provide guidance and support for families nationwide, either over the telephone, in your home, through their programs, or through resources right in your community.

Suggested Resources:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/

Crosswinds, Inc. (855) 927-7963, http://www.crosswindsyouth.org/