The Value of Family

A few years ago while on vacation with my family, I began a discussion with my wife and children about what it really meant to value family, in the way God intended. I asked them if they thought families that were struggling ever meant to be in that situation, or did it happen gradually without them realizing it ? I also asked if that thought that families that are close to each and to God got there by accident or was it through intentionality and hard work?

The conversation was quite lively and it was determined that we needed to be much more intentional about where our family was going if we were going to continue valuing each other and God.

We talked about the fact that each of us would face difficulties in the future and that we needed to begin to be there for each other. We talked about the fact that we would always make that a priority, even when others conveniently walked away. We talked about the value of talking with each other regularly, whether through calling, texting or emailing, to encourage and chastise one other if needed.

One of my favorite moments after that day was when one of my sons called me to let me know that he had read something that one of his siblings' had posted on Facebook that was not Christlike.  But he then told me that he had, in his words, “handled it”. I asked what it meant to handle it. He said that he called his brother to let him know he had read the Facebook post, and that he needed to erase the entry. He also said he would “kick his butt” if he saw something like that again. 

Some people might question the logic of this moment, but I saw it as a moment of our family coming together in a small way that would serve as a model for the future, when the issue might be much more severe. Issues such as drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships, work ethic, honesty and personal faith are now the responsibility of each member of our family. Accountability alone will not ensure that your family will always value each other and God, but it is a great way to start. 

By Mark Terrell, CEO

Tips on Keeping Sibling Rivalries in Check

Any of us with siblings can recall at least one event of sibling rivalry gone awry. Nasty words are exchanged and perhaps even some pushing and shoving. Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up with a brother or sister. Many people believe it to be a rite of passage and a good way for children to learn conflict resolution skills. However, it is important for parents to monitor conflicts between your children and to look for signs of bullying.

There has been little research on the effects of sibling bullying; however, a new study published in the Journal of Pediatrics concluded that sibling aggression should not be dismissed. The psychological anguish from sibling bullying can be just as damaging as peer bullying. The study reported that children who experienced sibling aggression in the last year were more likely to report signs of depression, anxiety, and anger. In the study, aggression was defined as physical abuse, verbal abuse, intimidation, or having their things stolen or purposely destroyed. The study goes on to suggest that anti-bullying awareness campaigns should include sibling bullying as well.

As a parent, how can you distinguish between common inter-sibling spats and bullying? Ask yourself if the aggression is one-sided and chronic. If the aggression goes both ways and occurs sporadically then bulling may not be the issue. However, if one child consistently plays the role of aggressor and instigator then it is important to have a family talk about the issue.

Helping your children get along and develop a relationship is important to every parent. Try these tips to help keep sibling rivalries in check:

Clearly defined rules and consequences: Children and teenagers will continually test boundaries as part of normal development.  Make sure they know what behaviors cross the line and firmly follow through with implementing consequences when the line is crossed. 

Give them space: Allow your children time to be alone or away from their siblings. This is especially important if your children share the same bedroom. Find activities that they can do alone or enroll them in different extracurricular activities.

One-on-one attention: Make an effort to give all your children some one-on-one attention with you. This can help reduce feelings of jealously or favoritism that can lead to sibling bickering.

Counseling: You may consider getting professional help if your children have extreme difficulty getting along. Marriage and family therapist are trained in resolving and mediating family conflicts and relationships.

By Miguel Brown

Miguel Brown holds a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy from the University of Miami, is a registered marriage and family therapist intern in private practice, and owner of Miami Teen Counseling. He has been working with adolescents and their families for over ten years. Connect with him on Facebook and Twitter.