The Value of Family

A few years ago while on vacation with my family, I began a discussion with my wife and children about what it really meant to value family, in the way God intended. I asked them if they thought families that were struggling ever meant to be in that situation, or did it happen gradually without them realizing it ? I also asked if that thought that families that are close to each and to God got there by accident or was it through intentionality and hard work?

The conversation was quite lively and it was determined that we needed to be much more intentional about where our family was going if we were going to continue valuing each other and God.

We talked about the fact that each of us would face difficulties in the future and that we needed to begin to be there for each other. We talked about the fact that we would always make that a priority, even when others conveniently walked away. We talked about the value of talking with each other regularly, whether through calling, texting or emailing, to encourage and chastise one other if needed.

One of my favorite moments after that day was when one of my sons called me to let me know that he had read something that one of his siblings' had posted on Facebook that was not Christlike.  But he then told me that he had, in his words, “handled it”. I asked what it meant to handle it. He said that he called his brother to let him know he had read the Facebook post, and that he needed to erase the entry. He also said he would “kick his butt” if he saw something like that again. 

Some people might question the logic of this moment, but I saw it as a moment of our family coming together in a small way that would serve as a model for the future, when the issue might be much more severe. Issues such as drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships, work ethic, honesty and personal faith are now the responsibility of each member of our family. Accountability alone will not ensure that your family will always value each other and God, but it is a great way to start. 

By Mark Terrell, CEO

How Do I Support My Children as I Go Through a Divorce?

Every child will react to the stress and pain of divorce differently. But no matter what their response, it is important to communicate to the child that they are not responsible for the separation or divorce. Always refer to your former spouse in a positive way and affirm to the child that both parents love them and want to spend time with them.

Be aware that a child’s behavior is often their form of communication. Just as you may be grieving the loss of relationship, your child is also experiencing loss of their family members, routine, school, friends, etc. You may notice that your child is disruptive, sad, angry, isolating, or disrespectful. If your child gets stuck in the grief process, they may benefit from a support group or professional counseling.

Do not discuss anything about the partner’s behavior or details of the separation. This can often put the child in an adult role, where they feel the need to repair the family. Seek support from friends, adult family members, counseling professionals, or church leaders, but do not seek it from your children. Even if they seem to want you to confide in them about your former spouse, in the end this will produce more confusion and pain. 

By Ruth Skeel, Director of Clinical Services & Home Based Services at Lifeline Youth & Family Services. Ruth holds a Masters of Social Work (MSW) degree from Wayne State University, with a focus in mental health and addictions, and is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and Licensed Clinical Addictions Counselor (LCAC).

If your divorce has already happened, take a look at this Focus on the Family article providing practical and helpful list of tips to begin the healing process.

The article closes with this encouraging reminder: "Remember, God is sufficient to heal and restore hope to every heart — even your child's. Your job is to provide a safe, stable and godly home. The rest is up to Him."