Getting Through the Holidays with a Troubled Teen

If you’re the parent of a troubled teen, the holidays can be some of the most difficult times for your family. Your teen will have a lot of extra free time, which may lead to more trouble, fighting, and pain for your whole family. But there are steps you can take to help your relationship not reach a point of crisis. Here are five suggestions we’ve gathered to help you survive (and hopefully even enjoy!) the holidays with your teen.

1. Create a structure or schedule for your teen’s time off. Having at least one planned activity per day—whether it’s family Christmas tree decorating or some chores around the house—will help fill some of that extra free time that could be spent getting into trouble. If things are too tense with your teen in the house, strongly encourage them to get a holiday job that will fill a few hours of their week. 
2. Be realistic in your expectations about your teen and about yourself. If your teen has been acting out all year, chances are good that things will not suddenly improve over the holidays. Expect that your teen will likely have a bad attitude and cause tension in your family, but don’t let this ruin your enjoyment of the season. Find time to enjoy traditions and time with other family members without focusing on the problems with your teen.  This will help renew your strength to help your teen, and will also show them that you will not allow their behavior to completely steal your joy.
3. Give your teen options. Ask them what their 2-3 favorite holiday traditions are and require that they participate in those. Then allow them to choose whether or not they participate in the others. This will make them feel listened to and respected, and will also help teach the value of compromise. 
4. Be extra vigilant about where your teen is going and how they are getting home. Teen drinking and drinking & driving spikes during the holidays due to more parties, free time, and the possibility of parents having extra alcohol in the house. Decide on a curfew for breaks beforehand and stick to it. Ask other parents to be diligent in ensuring that houses or alcohol are not being used by your teen and their friends for illegal parties. 
5. Set a goal to make a plan for your teen’s treatment by the end of the year. Use the extra time with your teen over the holidays to evaluate if their behavior is worsening or improving.  Then make an informed decision on an appropriate treatment plan for the coming year or, if your teen is already undergoing treatment, any changes to your teen’s therapy. The New Year is a perfect time for a fresh start.